You know there's something wrong with your life when you're trying to write a screenplay for a competition which closes in 6 days time, and instead of working on your script, you find yourself spending the afternoon talking to a friend about her period.

I've had a search engine hit as a result of someone entering the words "massage parlour Essex" into Google. He arrived at my 'Internet Cafe' page. It's nice to know that by writing a simple play, you can get caught up in a bit of East Anglian buffet whoring.

Had a very nice day in East London, eating sweet potatoes and Quorn, and wondering whether gay herds really do go carolling. Don't ask.

Note to self: Don't eat three quarters of a Terry's White Chocolate Orange Egg in one evening. You'll hate yourself in the morning.