At the end of January I created my Shotley Gate webpage, and made a public stand against the local trend of annexing land using nothing more than a few fence panels and a joyful disregard for the law. So five months on, what effect has my campaign had? Yes, that's right, my next door neighbours are out there right now, fencing off a patch of grass the size of a football pitch*, and threatening to block access to my parking space with their wanton land-lust.

It's nice to know I have the full support of local people. Ibsen wrote a play about someone like me.

I think I'll transfer to a ground floor flat and get down to B & Q for some fence panels.

* Slight exaggeration. But only slight. It may not comply to the full list of FIFA regulations, but you could certainly have a kickabout on that grass.