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Friday, December 31, 2010

The secret of a successful relationship is finding someone who can turn your world upside down...

Hairy Situation
Obviously Lisa and I are still looking, but Amelie found her perfect partner long ago. Marie has that uncanny ability to make the hairs on the back of Am's neck stand up using nothing more than a simple smile. Although if that fails, gravity works too. So having returned home on Wednesday, we invited Marie down to Brighton yesterday to help us celebrate three months of marriage by reminding her that we didn't invite her to the wedding.

Lisa and I last saw Marie in September when we were still living in sin, so obviously things have changed since then. We have a lot more rows now. But the good news is that Marie spent Christmas Day working in a shelter for the homeless, so she'll know what to do when Lisa throws me out.

Amongst Marie's other special powers is the knack of buying the perfect present for Amelie. I blame my recent massive weight gain on the fact that I've had to spend the past three months reading about pies, cakes and ice cream in The Very Hungry Caterpillar book, but not content with finding one story for Amelie to fall in love with, Marie followed it up by giving her the gift of The Gruffalo this Christmas.

Terrible teeth in his terrible jaws.For anyone not familiar with The Gruffalo, it's essentially a story of life-threatening danger, fearless cunning, bold deception and bare-faced lies. It's a lot like 'A Journey' by Tony Blair. And it features more surprise revelations than an evening with Lisa. It also has the advantage of not being made of wool and bought from a chancer on eBay, which places it firmly above anything Amelie got from her parents at Christmas.

Fortunately for non-readers like myself, the animated version was on TV on Christmas Day, so we spent most of yesterday watching it on the BBC iPlayer. Amelie got slightly confused when the snake turned up, and thought it was either a shark or a dolphin, at which point she did her scared face (which looks a lot like Blakey from 'On the Buses'), but other than that she enjoyed it.

All in all, it was a very nice day. Marie told me what the word clunge means before I start using it in polite conversation, and in return I expressed my concerns that Amelie's Paddington Bear book features a predatory paedophile. We then did a bit of light-hearted reminiscing about the day I met Lisa, sat through the resulting awkward silence, and waved goodbye to each other before anyone mentioned divorce. It was all good fun, and we really must do it again sometime. Preferably with lawyers present.

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