After our appointment on Monday, I was left thinking that we need some kind of miracle, and sure enough, within forty-eight hours, we've got one. Other people find the Virgin Mary on a pancake, or Jesus on toast. I've found a chicken breast shaped like a pig...


It's even got a snout. Lisa, who doesn't know the first thing about miraculous simulacra, and couldn't spot Mother Theresa in a cinnamon bun if her life depended on it, instantly complained that its tail isn't curly. Which shows a lack of faith if you ask me. The pig's clearly running so fast to the right, that its tail has straightened out in the wind. It's basically a case of swine flew.

Anyhoo, I discovered that miracle in a pack of Waitrose Tandoori Mini Chicken Fillets. Which explains why I can't afford IVF. I need to start shopping at Lidl.