Today's quite a momentous day for Toby. Not only is he two weeks old, but it's also the first time in his entire life that there's no Olympic coverage on TV. He's never known a world like it. He's like the children who grew up in the eighties wondering if a man could ever be Prime Minister. And now John Major's turned up to shatter his illusions. Although in this case, John Major's a low budget daytime TV show.

With the Olympics finally over, we can book Toby in to have his birthmark removed...

... but it's also given us some time to devote to other activities. I dyed Lisa's hair this afternoon, which is something I've never done before. And will never do again. I basically turned my parents' bathroom into a scene from Hostel for half an hour, before making Lisa look as pretty as a picture. The picture being 'The Scream' by Edvard Munch. She now has the forehead of a Friesian, and I've advised her not to go out without a hat. Preferably one with ear flaps.

Fortunately I have no such problems (although having seen the adverts for new Just For Men AutoStop, I'm considering growing my hair, dying it black, and trying a comb-over), so I took Amelie out to the park again this morning. We enjoyed another lengthy swinging session for couples, after which we made our way into town to carry out some good work for charity by buying stuff from the local hospice shops.

I have to say, if Lisa thinks that having a face like a black & white minstrel is embarrassing, she should try walking through St Leonards with Amelie. I suppose I should be proud of her ability to read certain words before the age of four, but when she points at a woman in the street who happens to be holding a familiar carrier bag, and shouts "That lady's been to Lidl, Daddy!!!" in a loud voice, I'm not sure it reflects well on either of us.

To be honest though, risking the wrath of a working class woman from Sussex was nothing compared to her next target. Walking past a church in London Road, Amelie suddenly laughed, pointed, and shouted "Look at that stupid man!".

It was a statue of Christ on the cross. And I think we're all going to hell.