I always knew Amelie was a rising star, but this is getting ridiculous...

She's in danger of impaling her filthy socks on the spike of BHS. Personally I think she's a bit of a loon. And I've got the background sign to prove it...

Anyhoo, misguided and ignorant individuals who think that Hastings town centre is nothing more than a collection of boarded up store fronts and run down charity shops populated by asylum-seeking benefit scroungers and people with no teeth, will be relieved to hear that it's going up in the world. Largely due to a system of trampolines and electrical pulleys. For just £4 they agreed to launch my daughter skyward, while Lisa and I crossed our fingers that she might defy Newton's third law by not coming down again.

It worked wonders for her hair...

... although the passers-by all seemed to want to turn their backs on the situation, and pay no attention whatsoever. I expect they've seen it all before in Hastings. It's a lot like a lynching.

Anyhoo, in addition to Amelie's ups and downs, Lisa and I took a trip down memory lane to a bygone age, firstly by watching her ride an old merry-go-round, which was lovingly positioned outside the public toilets...

It's an original 1957 Coulson's toy set, which is probably what Lisa played with as a child. We then continued our historical study of 1066 country by visiting Jempson's café, which wasn't so much retro as dated, and felt a bit like going back to my childhood. But in quite an enjoyable way.

We rounded off the afternoon by agreeing to buy Amelie a cheap hen-night outfit from a card shop, which meant we had to walk back to the car park with a five-year-old in a sparkly hat and pink tutu. Personally I quite enjoyed it. I've been feeling a bit self-conscious about my face for the past week, so it was reassuring to know that on this occasion, no one was staring at me.

Anyhoo, for the sake of completeness, and the benefit of anyone with too much time on their hands who fancies the idea of seeing a grown man trying to dislocate my daughter's limbs and snap her spine with a somersault, here's a video of Amelie bouncing...


I should get sponsorship from BHS. That amounts to a five-minute advert.