Admittedly, Beth probably didn't train for her competitions by drinking Slush Puppies in the nearest cafe, but if she had, she might have done better than Olympic bronze.
Anyhoo, yesterday can be neatly divided up into two distinct chapters: 'Before Toby's Earache' and 'After Toby's Earache'. The middle chapter, 'During Toby's Earache' is best forgotten. I'll probably tackle it in therapy in a few years' time.
Our plan for the day was to visit The Milky Way, an adventure park near Clovelly, which I visited about thirty years ago when it was just a barn with a few cows. It's changed slightly since then. The cows have gone, presumably because they wouldn't go on the rollercoasters, and the sheep have been replaced by dodgems.
We arrived 15 minutes after they opened, and for the first hour were the only ones there, which was more than a little spooky. I felt like we were burgling the place. It was basically the theme park version of '28 Days Later'. The plus side of that is that there was no one there to witness me taking a full ten minutes to psych myself up before I could launch myself off the top of the drop slide. That's the small drop slide. I didn't even attempt the big one.
Having done it once, I naturally insisted on doing it again with Amelie, and getting Lisa to film it, partly to prove my bravery, but mainly so that I could see how much I look like a blubbery seal slipping down an ice floe...
Of course, we weren't the only ones who conquered our fears. Lisa agreed to go it alone on a rollercoaster...
... and Toby risked drowning in a ball pool...
Having crashed a few dodgems, been scared witless by aliens, and eaten lunch in the cafe, we decided to head to the trampolines, at which point Toby suddenly burst into tears. We assumed he was just tired, so Lisa sat down with him on a seat... then on the grass... then took him back to the car... and to cut a long, painful story short, we ended up having to leave. Amelie and I had experienced a few ups and downs...
... but this was definitely the low point of the day. We'd just finished watching the Birds of Prey show when Lisa returned from the car with a sobbing Toby, and we realised we had no alternative but to go. At which point Amelie burst into tears.
At the time, we didn't know what the problem was, as it's hard to get a 3-year-old to string a coherent sentence together when he's in severe pain, but three hours and a dose of Calpol later, he told us it was earache.
The Milky Way is a 40 minute drive from where we're staying, and it was due to shut in less than two hours time, so the idea of getting Toby back to the cottage and then returning with Amelie was a non-starter. But to placate the older of my two upset children, I told her I'd take her out somewhere else.
So having deposited Lisa and Toby back at base, Amelie and I made an impromptu visit to Bude...
It actually turned out to be very nice. The tide was out...
... and with the shallow water and soft sand, I didn't take much persuasion to get my kit off...
The last time my feet featured on this blog, they were being savaged by a pack of wild animals, but this time the only bite I was at risk of was frostbite. The sea was bloomin' cold. So cold, in fact, that having dipped her toes in the water, Amelie ran back down the beach, attempting to get her tights back on with one hand...
So instead, we went rock-pooling and cave-hunting...
... before walking around the mostly closed shops, and buying a few postcards. As for Toby, he appears to be ok. In fact, this is the scene across the living room as I write this at 9am on Wednesday...
I'm not sure if he's holding his ears or just relaxing, but either way, I think we'll risk a trip to Tintagel...
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