Amelie asked Lisa yesterday if she can have our double bed when we die. It seemed like an odd question, as with two young children I feel like we're barely in it, so she might as well have it now. Mind you, she also wants Lisa's Kindle and all my money, so she can't have everything.

If I had more of the latter, I think I'd hire a cleaner to help us find the floor. We shipped Amelie off to her musical theatre class yesterday afternoon, and dropped Toby at Lisa's Mum's, which gave me a clear hour and a half to throw out all their toys. By 5pm I'd filled three sacks with plastic junk, and was on the verge of hiring a skip. I wouldn't mind, but even after removing half a ton of the finest mass-produced tat the factories of China have ever produced, the place doesn't look any different.

The one element of progress I thought I'd made was to reorganise Amelie's jigsaw puzzles, and stack them neatly onto one shelf. A shelf which is well within Toby's reach, and from where he's emptied them onto the floor this morning. I was in pieces. As was Hello Kitty and the cast of Frozen. I think Toby's eaten a couple of bits too.

I'm feeling a particular sense of urgency to get the flat sorted, because we received the new Bits and Pieces catalogue through the door yesterday, and I need to make room for a few essentials, like this beautiful pug Christmas tree bauble...

... and this tree-hugging cow...

Admittedly, before I can get the cow, I'll need to get a tree, but I don't see that as a major problem. You could grow potatoes in the filth under Amelie's bed, so a Giant Redwood should be only a matter of time.