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Saturday, December 19, 2009

It's taken more than fourteen months, but I've finally worked out how I can make my fortune from Amelie. And I'm not talking about the secret elf photos which Lisa has leaked illegally onto Facebook. No, I can exclusively reveal here today that Amelie's going to be a world-renowned fakir.

Every evening at 7 o'clock (which is our favourite time of the day), we put Amelie to bed in her cot, where she sleeps (hopefully) until we go to bed ourselves. At which point we transfer her to a foldable cot in the living room for the rest of the night. Tragically, however, my prostate's been inflamed again since Thursday evening, which resulted in me feeling like a zombie on Valium all day yesterday. I ended up falling asleep on the sofa at 8:30pm, waking up an hour later to the sight of Heston Blumenthal eating a dormouse on Channel 4, and putting up the cot in a bit of a daze, before staggering straight off to bed. Lisa then carried Amelie into the living room in complete darkness, and the three of us slept through the night.

All of which seemed fine until 8 o'clock this morning, when I crawled out of bed, went to get Amelie up, and discovered that I'd managed to set up the cot last night without using the hard base, the soft mattress, or the jersey sheet. All of which were sitting unused on the floor at the other end of the room. Amelie had spent ten hours lying on four metal bars. And she'd had the best night's sleep of her life. I'm tempted to try her with a bed of nails tonight. By this time next week, we'll have her sleeping upright on a spike.

Anyhoo, I don't know if anyone's noticed, but we had a bit of snow yesterday. Personally I quite enjoyed it. Mainly because my boss bought us all a Pecan Danish as a reward for wading into work. Despite that incentive, however, most of my colleagues didn't make it in, so I agreed to cover a clinic at the hospital, where I saw a total of... (brace yourself)... two patients all morning. And one of those wasn't mine. The consultant next door had to share hers with me because there weren't enough to go round.

So I had one of the quietest days of my working life. Which makes it ironic that last night was the first time I've ever fallen asleep on the sofa.

Anyway, in other news, you'll notice a slight change to my blog comments. After five years using Haloscan, I received an e-mail out of the blue yesterday telling me that the free service is being discontinued, and I've got two weeks to stump up $10 for a new service called Echo (which sounds like a local paper), otherwise every comment I've ever received will be lost. I like to think of it as an early Christmas present. Albeit one I didn't want. Fortunately I'm made of money, so I've paid up, but I'm not happy about it.

And talking of Christmas presents I'm unhappy with, you might remember that Amazon failed to deliver our gifts on Monday because we were out. Well the good news is we arranged to have them redelivered on Friday. The bad news is it snowed and they didn't come. At this rate I'll be wrapping up boxes of eye drops.