With just one week to go until Lisa's birthday, I've found her the perfect gift...

That's a state-of-the-art Facekini, an essential item of ladies clothing which, according to the BBC news today, has gone from being "the epitome of 'old woman style' in China" (their words, not mine) to the cutting edge of high fashion.

And Lisa's nothing if not fashionable. And old. By this time next week, I'll have her looking like this...

I'd walk a million miles for one of her smiles. Al Jolson, eat your heart out.