Yesterday got off to a good start when I woke up, saw it was 7:30am, panicked that we'd overslept, and shook Lisa awake, before realising it was Saturday and we didn't have to get up. I think she saw the funny side. To be honest, Lisa isn't sleeping much at the moment, due to a combination of heartburn and the fact that she has a five-pound baby thrashing about in her abdomen, so me waking her up probably came as a refreshing change.

With the damage done, I left Lisa in bed and got up to make a diet shopping list for Asda. I weighed myself on Friday for the first time in a couple of months, and let's just say it wasn't good news. I'm not revealing how much weight I've put on since the start of the year, but frankly the scales thought I was the pregnant one.

Compare and contrast this photo from November last year with this one taken two weeks ago. I look like I've moved to America. Mind you, Lisa's piled on the pounds too. And my Mum's aged terribly. Or maybe that's not her in the first photo.

Anyway, it's hard to believe that eating all those flapjacks, brownies and gingerbread men at work every day could have such an effect, but apparently it has. That giant Eccles cake I had on Thursday morning to help me over my midweek illness certainly didn't look that high in calories, but you never can tell. So despite the fact that the pharmacy stores supervisor has promised to bake us a coconut cake this weekend, I think the time has come for action.

Two years ago I lost ten pounds in about three weeks on The South Beach Diet, so I'm going back to that for a while. At least until the end of today. I'll see how I feel when I meet the coconut cake tomorrow. Interestingly, when I decided to start the diet in July 2006, I'd just had a visit from Lorraine, and funnily enough the same thing's happened two years later. The woman clearly puts me off my food.

Anyhoo, having been to Asda and stocked up on healthy stuff, I escorted Lisa into town, where she bought the bra on the left. It's called the 'Gabrielle', so I think you're meant to wear it with an eye patch. Lisa looks even better in it than the model, but you'll have to take my word for that.

To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what my role was meant to be in this venture. I basically just sat on the comfy sofas in Bravissimo for twenty minutes, giving reassuring glances to the other lost-looking husbands, until Lisa had made up her mind. I was expecting her to pop out of the changing rooms in her underwear and ask for my opinion, but it didn't happen.

That done, Lisa proved that she's not on a diet by heading straight to Subway for a sandwich, while I went to the pound shop and bought some tupperware for my vegetables. From there we walked to Somerfield where I bought two lettuces and she picked up a fresh cream cake. We finished up at Love's Fish Restaurant, made famous by Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares, where Lisa got takeaway fish & chips and I got £3.50 change from a tenner. I'm not saying who had the better day, but it wasn't me.