I don't think Halloween costumes are quite as scary as they used to be. The most disturbing thing about Amelie's Witch's Cat outfit is that the ears make her look like Björn Borg in 1980. I had to give her some scissors and tell her to run, just to add an element of danger.

But despite that, we had a nice time at Lorraine's Halloween party yesterday. Our hostess had gone to quite a lot of trouble. The ground floor of her house was covered in cobwebs, blood and scary pictures, and there were even a couple of rats in the kitchen. But on top of that, she'd decorated it for Halloween. And very nice it looked too. It's not every day that you're greeted at the front door by Count Dracula, and told to duck under the spiders if you want to use the toilet.

Admittedly, the party got off to a slightly sticky start when Lorraine's Dad walked in wearing a scary mask, held up his bloody scythe, and reduced half the room to tears, but having reassured everyone under six that they weren't going to die, we were able to get down to the main event of the evening: the eating.

Let's face it, there was only one reason Amelie and I went to this party...


One whiff of food and she turns into Vampire the Buffet Slayer. I've never seen anyone eat so many chocolate pumpkins. Even the rat on the table isn't putting her off.

Anyhoo, much like her father, Amelie enjoys a good buffet, so while Lisa chatted to Lorraine's cousin about her dog-sitting business, my daughter and I loitered in the kitchen with a couple of witches and a pirate, filling our goody bags with sweets. Frankly we ate so many carbs, the party was in danger of being haunted by the ghost of Dr Atkins. I did attempt to persuade Amelie to eat healthily...


... but having seen me stuffing myself with chocolate, she quickly gave up on her ham rolls and joined me in a stroll down Quality Street.

Personally I was too stuffed to move, but it takes more than a few thousand calories to stop Amelie hitting the dance floor...


Now that's a Halloween costume.

That wasn't the scariest moment of the night though. That came an hour later when we popped into Sainsbury's on our way home. Amelie was going wild in the aisles, so in an effort to keep her out of mischief, I picked her up and put her on my shoulders. Only to discover that she had a very dirty nappy. The word 'horror' doesn't even come close to describing it. I still think my neck smells this morning.