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Thursday, October 07, 2010

Well, we've made it through our first week of marriage, and we're still together. Frankly Lisa spent so much money on that dress, it's not worth me divorcing her any more.

This might be our one-week anniversary, but by a spooky coincidence it's also my parents' 49-year anniversary. So I've got twelve months to save up for some gold. Or possibly a box of Terry's chocolates. Fortunately with Lisa the age she is, I'm unlikely to have to buy any for her, so I should make a saving there.

Anyhoo, I'd just like to congratulate my Mum and Dad for staying together so long. And trust me, I've met them both, so I know what a challenge that must have been. I only have to spend a weekend in St Leonards, and I feel like packing my things and leaving. So many congratulations to you both. Enjoy the rest of your special day. And then let me know when you're free for babysitting.

On that subject, Lisa took Amelie to the playgroup down the road this morning for a bit of mother and toddler fun. I've been working in Crawley Down all day with no e-mail access or mobile signal (it's like working in the 1980s), but when I got home, Lisa informed me that Amelie had had a run-in with a little boy. Apparently she'd been waiting to use the slide, when the boy had pushed her over and she'd bumped her head. Which in my book is common assault.

Obviously I heard Lisa's side of the story, but with the possibility of a no-win-no-fee compensation claim on the cards, I thought I'd better hear Amelie's version of events...


I think she loses a bit of focus towards the end. And we're going to have to clarify the role of those carrots before she takes the stand. But the lack of peas is definitely mental cruelty. I think we can sue.

10 comments:

Phil's Mum said...

You'll scar her for life with all that questioning!  But at least she's learnt the word rectangle.  Your Dad says set Chloe on the cruel boy!

Phil's Mum said...

And please thank Lisa for the card.  After one week she's already doing what all we good wives do - remembering birthdays and anniversaries - she'll make a good Gardner!

Phil said...

I was impressed by the rectangle bit too. She's the only person I know who appears cleverer when her mind starts wandering.

Phil's Mum said...

And I can't see why Lisa and you can't make it to your Golden Wedding Anniversary, if you look after her properly and preserve her.  (Sorry I'm hogging all this space!)

A passer-by said...

Is Phil's Mum suggesting that Phil should preserve Lisa in formaldehyde, like Damien Hirst's cow?!

dangerpanda@hotmail.com said...

That child gets the highest cuteness rating that is possible (at least in our household): "Too Cute to Kill." (Meaning that the cuteness rating exceeds the Annoying-As-All-Hell rating that many toddlers strive for). Adorable!
Kristy

Phil said...

Let's face it, Kristy, you think Timmy the cat's cute. So I'm not sure yours is a valid opinion. But thanks anyway.  ;)

Dave said...

Any chance of an invitation to your Golden Wedding party, Phil?  I'll only be 106.

Phil said...

We'll probably be keeping it secret.

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