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Friday, January 04, 2013

Having been flooded with insomnia on Wednesday night, I eventually dragged myself out of bed yesterday morning, padded across the moist carpets, inhaled the musty smell of damp, and then headed to Burgess Hill, where I was due to spend the morning with another woman. The only dry thing in our flat at the moment is Lisa's sense of humour, which is a miracle, as she could easily have turned to the Chardonnay, so despite being tempted to phone in sick, I decided to head for higher ground, and the dizzying heights of the Hill.

The mystery woman in question was actually a Diabetes Specialist Nurse who'd requested to sit in on a retinal screening clinic to find out what we get up to. Although I decided I'd better not show her that. She was actually very nice, and during the course of the morning she told me that she used to know someone who did retinal screening more than a decade ago in London, but that she hasn't seen him for years, and has no idea where he is now. She then mentioned his name.

So I told her I was on the floor with him in September...

... blew my nose over him in December, and that in 2010 he gave me an iPad. I'm not sure she believed me.

That aside, I basically just imparted all my knowledge (that was a long five minutes), and demonstrated my skills in a clinic setting, after which she asked me for a lesson on EMIS PCS (which is just a bad hand in Scrabble), and we went our separate ways.

I had a lunch date booked in town, so having finished the morning clinic, I walked to the Burgess Hill shopping precinct, which is a lot like the one in 'Dawn of the Dead', where I met up with the town's leading social media guru, webpreneur and IT innovator, the creative force behind Burgess Hill Uncovered, and the man who puts the app into Chappers. Yes, with 3,489 more likes than me on Facebook, it was none other than Peter Chapman.

The venue we chose (well, he chose) was the Jacob's Post pub, a "stupidly cheap" (his review) eatery, which allowed us both to enjoy a hot meal and a drink for eleven quid. I was hoping he'd tell them we were food critics from Burgess Hill Uncovered, and we'd get it all on the house, but sadly his integrity is beyond reproach. Which is a shame, as he has enough local power to extort money from anyone he wants. I need to find a way to corrupt him.

Anyhoo, my morning with another woman was good, but my lunch date with a younger man was even better. We spent an enjoyable hour discussing websites, women and welfare, while I ate a surprisingly nice lasagne, and wondered what the girl behind the bar was hoping to achieve with that top. It was either a bold feminist statement, or an audition for page 3. It was hard to tell which. Even after repeated viewings.

Ultimately though, another woman, a younger man and twenty-six patients just isn't enough socialising for one day, so having arrived home and spoken to Lisa's Mum on the phone, I decided to pop down to Asda last night to get her some medication. The woman's currently got flu, possibly because she chose not to have the flu jab, and has been holed up at the sheltered housing all week with the kind of cough that could crack a few ribs.

So we picked up some shopping, bought her a few drugs, and delivered it all to her door. Which she's currently sharing with death. It's the first time I've ever been invited inside by a lady in a nightie. And what's more, she fondled my nuts. Before saying "They're cashews. I won't eat them", and insisting I take some biscuits as well.


Phil's Mum said...

Where did she get cashew nuts?  I've been hunting for them!