I think Toby's caught the sun a bit...


That'll teach us to put the sofa outside. I'm not sure the pink frills suit him either.

Anyhoo, it's been a weekend of family fun in the red-hot sun...


Or the thick hooded coat and winter boots, if you're Lisa. Having discussed our domestic situation a couple of weeks ago, Lisa and I came to the conclusion that the best way for us to stave off stress, misery and a nervous breakdown is to avoid being in the same flat as the kids. So we resolved to spend our Saturdays out and about, in the hope that we might lose them and be able to come home on our own.

With the weather brightening up (momentarily), and the whole of Sussex as our oyster, there was obviously only one destination we could choose this weekend. Unfortunately it was closed, so we went to Crawley instead. It's conveniently situated near an airport, which allows for a quick getaway when the kids are distracted.

Having spent most of the morning trying to get organised enough to actually leave the flat, we eventually ended up at Tilgate Park, a large open space featuring woodland, lakes, animals, and excellent ice cream facilities. It gave us the chance to try Toby's dirt-cheap buggy on the dirt tracks of Crawley...


He might look a bit grumpy, but Amelie looks like a teenage mother, so he hasn't got much to complain about. The good news is that the buggy's so small and lightweight, we can get Amelie to push it. Preferably uphill and away from the lake. In fact, it's so small that Lisa's worried I've inadvertently bought a children's toy, and it should be carrying a Barbie doll instead of Toby.

In addition to most of the childcare, Amelie also took some of the photos, including this one of her parents...


I'm considering hiring her out for weddings and portrait work. But in the meantime, she's content to run riot in the playgrounds of Sussex. With acres of countryside to explore, Amelie naturally chose to spend most of her time on the swings, slides and climbing frames. She didn't even want to visit the Nature Centre. Although she did insist on an ice cream.

As it transpired, the playground was a hotbed of people we know. I was recognised by a receptionist from Crawley Hospital, while Lisa was accosted by the cousin of a friend. Frankly our chances of slipping away unnoticed were zero. So in the end I resorted to playing with my daughter. Here's me putting the 'foot' back into 'footage' like a young Daniel Day-Lewis...


I've always said that the way to control Amelie is with ropes and chains, and there's your proof right there.