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Monday, May 27, 2013

I rarely shop with Sainsbury's on account of the fact that I went to a comprehensive school, and am therefore more suited to Asda, but they're currently offering free delivery for online grocery orders (providing you spend a hundred pounds, which we can do without even trying), and they sent me a £10 e-voucher last week to celebrate the fact that it's donkey's years since I last put in an order. I also had a few Nectar points gathering dust in the corner. So all in all, they were virtually paying me for my custom and offering me a free online trolley dash.

As a result, we had our shopping delivered yesterday morning by a bloke who was impressed that our lift didn't smell. So I presume he had a cold. Our order included some croissants for Lisa, who's the human equivalent of kryptonite to Dr Atkins, but we're on a tight budget, and I refuse to eat cheap asparagus, so we went with the Sainsbury's Basics range. And when it arrived, it said this...

"More marg than butter". Mmm... sounds tempting. Lisa was tempted to throw them in the bin. I appreciate Sainsbury's honesty though. Apparently the Basics lasagne says "More horse than cow". Although I might have made that up.

Anyway, for someone like Lisa, they might as well have stuck a label on it saying "50% DOG FAT". It put her right off. If I hadn't given her a speech about the starving people in India who'd love a cheap margarine croissant in the hundred degree heat, she'd have binned them instantly. Although next time we're going for the 'Taste the Difference' range. Mainly to see if you can.

Anyhoo, the bank holiday weekend is almost over and I haven't been out yet. Although I'm thinking of going into work this afternoon. I have, however, completed a case study presentation about a rare eye condition that was only discovered in the 1880s (so I think Jack the Ripper had something to do with it), and which has been the subject of less than sixty publications worldwide. Making it all the more remarkable that I've got some photos of it. It's just a shame I didn't take them.

I did, however, take them off my colleague, and have now turned them into a poster, which (I hope) will be displayed alongside my other poster at this year's leading ophthalmological conference. Or failing that, a cheap shindig in Newcastle. I'm basically trying to wallpaper the foyer.

Unfortunately, having been focused on eyes all weekend, I've lost sight of my other obligations. I had an e-mail last Wednesday from a pupil at an independent prep school in Missouri, USA, who's studying my micro fiction and wants a bit of advice, so big apologies to him for the lack of response. I'll get back to you by the end of the day. Assuming Amelie leaves me alone.

And then there's Jim Kitson. He e-mailed me this morning to say that he'll be doing a summer season at The National Theatre this year by appearing in 'The Drowned Man: A Hollywood Fable'. It's what they call a "promenade production", which basically means they don't let you sit down, and ticket prices start at £39.50, which is enough to buy you 46 packs of croissants, so I'm not sure we'll be attending. I wish him well though. As he said to me in his e-mail:

"I will be playing a tawdry washed-up thespian still hanging on tragically to his inflated opinion of his own abilities in the forlorn hope that one day fame might rescue him from the painful charade of his miserable existence.

Who knows how these casting decisions are made."


Phil's Mum said...

I guess it's a good thing Jim Kitson is a good actor - it sounds like quite a challenge!