In addition to performing her own version of Handel's Water Music by singing about leaky buckets, the good news is that Amelie will soon be swimming with the fishes...

But only if she calls herself Amalie. I wanted her to get an 'A' on her report card, but not in the middle of her name. I'm not sure what a quarter of an armband is either. Probably a wristband. And why they're mentioning that instead of the 8m unaided on her front, I have no idea.

But despite all of those anomalies (or should that be anomelies?), the most interesting thing about that certificate is the fact that it appears to have been signed by legendary fashion designer, Sir Paul Smith. His official logo, based on his signature, looks like this...

... so I'd say that's case closed. They're clearly one and the same. I imagine Sir Paul's been helping out at the Brighton Swimming School by designing a few swimsuits and hosing down the changing rooms, before retiring upstairs to sign the certificates. In fact, now I come to think of it, "8m on her back ¼ armbands" may well be a set of tailoring instructions. Possibly for a short-sleeved dress with a length of ribbon at the rear. She'll be the best dressed girl at poolside.