Subscribe: Subscribe to me on YouTube

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

If you thought the sight of a glamorous young model draped across a shiny red car was the preserve of the 1980s game show, then think again...

I like big butts and I cannot lie. And Amelie's got a massive one there. It's a beautiful shade of green too.

Anyhoo, in reality I'd like to think that Amelie's more likely to end up as a contestant on Mastermind than a hostess on The Price is Right, but either way, she's going to need to know her numbers. And her Easter holiday homework from school is to have herself photographed with some. I'm not entirely sure why, but it's a Catholic school, so it's probably something to do with the fourth book of the Bible.

Obviously the best way to achieve that task is to have Amelie arrested and ask the police for a copy of her mug shot, but while we're busy planning the details of her crime spree, we thought we'd get a picture of her with the getaway car. Ironically, I've had to remove the numbers from that photo, just in case someone with an unusual name thinks it's a personalised numberplate and tries to steal it. The car itself is a Hyundai i10, so there's no risk of theft with that.

Getting my family into a Hyundai would be a bit like fitting four elephants into a Mini, so needless to say, that's my parents' car. Amelie's currently staying with them for a couple of days to give me a chance to bond with her tadpole. She's named it Wriggly, which is a concern, as it sounds like she's advertising chewing gum, and if it dies on me, we might have to rename it Stiffy. But that aside, it's all good.

Admittedly, Lisa's currently terrified that it's going to grow legs overnight and leap onto her face while she's sleeping, but I've assured her that our only genuine concern is whether or not Toby eats it. If we can avoid that until Amelie gets home, then our job will be done, and we can flush it down the toilet and tell Amelie it's gone to heaven.

At the moment though, I'm doing a good job of keeping that tadpole alive. I've put it in Amelie's old Sea Monkey tank, which has been used very little as they all died within a week. She's been keeping hair bands in it for the past six months. I've watched a video on YouTube and taken some advice from a small boy who seemed to know what he was talking about, and am currently attempting to feed Wriggly with a bit of boiled cabbage. As things stand right now, he's still living up to his name, but our record with small creatures and pot plants isn't great, so in reality he's probably on death row.

In the meantime, Amelie's blissfully unaware of my efforts with amphibians, and is currently living it up in St Leonards, where my Dad is recording high definition video productions of her bike-riding exploits...

I think he was practising his Oscar acceptance speech at the beginning. But I can't see what he's doing either.


Z said...

When young, a tadpole eats the algae growing against the sides of the tank. Once it's bigger and especially when it starts to grow legs, it loves a chunk of raw meat dangled by a thread (tie a bit of cotton to a stick, put it on a needle and thread it through the meat. Then tie the other end to a stick long enough to balance across the tank). It sucks the blood out of the meat.

You're welcome.

Phil said...

Bloodsucking! Just wait till I tell Lisa! Thanks, Z!

Phil's Mum said...

As long as you're not expecting us to dig a pond in the back garden, so we can look after your latest 'pet'!