I went to PC World this morning to buy some good quality paper, in preparation for my imminent assault on the nation's theatres. Whilst there however, I made a startling discovery: you can buy 'tattoo paper' - special paper which enables you to print your own temporary tattoos. For sad people like me, this is fantastic news. I now find myself in the astonishingly exciting position of being able to print anything I like onto my own body.

It has to be said though, this is also a bigamist's charter. Cheating husbands all over Britain can now have the name of any woman they choose tattoed onto their bicep, only to change it every time they go home.

In addition, this paper is ridiculously priced - £14.99 for just three sheets. Frankly I can't afford to go wasting fifteen quid on something as needless as this.

But obviously that didn't stop me buying some. I plan to tattoo my website address across my forehead.