With the particular brand of lifestyle I lead (if you can call it that), I can choose to go to the Suffolk coast virtually any time I like. So being someone who dislikes crowds, and prefers not to follow the herd, you have to wonder why I waited for the first spring bank holiday of the year. But it seemed like a good idea at the time. Particularly with the cast iron promise of free fish & chips at the other end.

So I set off with my Mummy & Daddy, and successfully made it all the way to... the Woodbridge branch of Budgens. Which was fairly exciting. I bought mayonnaise and tuna. Which sounds like a sandwich recipe, but is in fact 50% cat food.

Budgens became Woolworths, Woolworths became Peacocks, and by the time we were standing in a portacabin ordering sausage sandwiches, I was beginning to wonder where the sea was. Particularly when we received the news that it was likely to take half an hour for their highly trained staff to put two sausages between two slices of bread.

But still, it gave me time to get a little sunburnt, and exchange smouldering glances with a red-headed girl on the next table who kept looking at me from behind her sunglasses and smiling flirtily, and who didn't realise her knickers had folded over the edge of her jeans when she'd bent down to pick up her bag.

Sausages eaten (it would have been quicker to raise a piglet to adulthood), we headed off across the countryside in the direction of Aldeburgh, with my father possessed by the spirit of Michael Schumacher. Well, Michael Schumacher's grandad. On the way, I learnt that the Aldeburgh Festival is actually held in a shed at Snape, and that Benjamin Britten was gay. So it was quite educational.

Arriving at the first of Aldeburgh's fish & chip shops, I was somewhat alarmed to see a queue of fifty or sixty people stretching down the street and into the shop. My mother confidently declared "It's ok, there's a second fish & chip shop further up". So we drove on. And found a queue of a hundred people at that one. I wouldn't believe it myself, but for the fact that I insisted we slow down so that I could count them for blogging purposes.

So I made a mental note to open a takeaway business in Aldeburgh, and we drove on to Thorpeness, ate ice cream, resisted the temptation to hire a rowing boat for an hour, and shamelessly drove on the pavement.

All that, and we still made it back in time for me to win £12 on the 4:20 at Yarmouth. I should go out more often.