Well the good news is I've checked the BNP Membership List, and Lisa's not on there. I'd also like to state for the record than none of those eleven Gardners are related to me. And that includes the one with the same name as my Dad. Unless he's using a false address in Birmingham, which is always possible.

But never mind the good news, here's the fantastic news...

It's the return of a national icon. And I don't mean the one on the right.

Oh yes indeed. I've stalked him through Asda...

... embarrassed him in the local press...

... received letters about him from the BBC...

... I've even discussed him with friends of the Prime Minister...

... likened him to a Slush Puppie...

... and danced by the light of his luminous suit.

And now, a mere eighteen months after he knocked on my door in a big rosette, local hero David Van Day has swapped Brighton for the jungle, and made it onto 'I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here'.

Obviously his presence stretches the word 'celebrity' to its very limits, but even so, I can't wait for tomorrow night's episode. Apparently they have to decide whether to give up some of their rations in order to let him join the camp. So I don't expect he'll be on the show after Thursday.