I'm a bit concerned that after a week in which Lisa and I got married, and Amelie turned two, I could end up writing more about my new iPad than our wedding. So rather than discussing the latest apps I've downloaded, and the illustrated Winnie the Pooh book I picked up free from iBooks, I'll pretend I haven't just spent half the weekend stroking a touchscreen, and describe a bit of shelving instead...


It's a little known fact that under British law, every married man is legally obliged to start doing DIY within two weeks of their wedding. So I put up a shelf this morning. I've actually had three shelves ready to go up for the past few weeks, but when your neighbours are falsely accusing you of drilling in the middle of the night, it does rather put you off DIY. I didn't want to reopen the case against against us by proving that I do, in fact, own a drill. So I decided to wait until the hate-mail had died down.

But fortunately it's a good three or four weeks now since someone last lied about us at a bus stop, so I decided the time was right to get to work. I put up the shelf above in Amelie's room, to give Lisa (and me, on rare occasions) easy access to the girl's nappies. Although with potty training now in full swing, we'll soon be using it to store knickers. And bottles of carpet cleaner.

Having finished, I called Amelie in to admire my handiwork. She stood back, examined it carefully, and said "Ammy don't like it".

But undeterred, I moved into our bedroom and put up the other two shelves. I'd planned to install them above head height, to ensure that we don't blind ourselves by walking into the corner, but Lisa was keen to have them lower so she can put her make-up on them. Although I told her they were never designed to hold such a huge volume of stuff. Anyway, after discussing the issue with her, Lisa reassured me that neither of us would be so stupid as to walk into a shelf, and promised that she'd take full responsibility for any injuries, and walk herself to A & E if necessary. So I installed them at neck height. I'm fearing for my Adam's apple already.

Anyhoo, it may have taken me most of the morning, but here are the finished shelves...


And here they are ten minutes later, once I'd filled them with a few of Lisa's bags...


The bedroom floor's never been so tidy.