It's a well known fact that Lisa and I are 24-hour party people (the party being Labour)(in more ways than one), and we're currently in the middle of a hard-drinking weekender filled with a heady mix of fizzy pop and cocktail sausages. I've never known so many three-year-olds turn four in the same week.

This afternoon we're heading over to Worthing for a birthday party held in a dance studio, which should give me the chance to find out what Louie Spence is like when he lets himself go, but yesterday I saddled up the family for a ride over to Hove, and the birthday party of Lorraine's son, Harrison. He's grown up a lot since he last went on a date with Amelie, and has now reached the grand old age of four.

Amelie chose to go as a cowgirl, which is interesting as it wasn't a fancy dress party, while Harrison remained true to his Star Wars roots by carrying a lightsaber wherever he went. Unfortunately he then dressed up as Superman. The party itself started at 2:30pm, but we decided to pop into Hove on the way to go to a shoe shop and try on some summer sandals for Amelie, so it was 3 o'clock by the time we got there. Which might have been excusable if we'd actually made it to the shops. In reality, we didn't have time to stop on the way, and we still got there half an hour late. It doesn't bode well for Amelie starting school in September. We should probably start getting her ready now.

Anyhoo, just over two years ago, we attended a party at Lorraine's house, and I shot this great video of her ass...


Well, a lot's changed since then. But interestingly, not Lorraine's clothes...


They must be starting to smell by now. It's no wonder Stanley was keeping his distance.

Eagle-eyed viewers will notice that there was only one party-pooper refusing to stand up and get involved in all the fun. Yes, that's Lisa in the background, having one of her usual chilled-out Saturdays, taking it easy with a cup of tea at the kitchen table. God, how I wished I was with her.

Fortunately we weren't stuck indoors all afternoon. By the time Amelie and I had swept through the buffet like a couple of overweight locusts, we had no reason to stay inside, so we headed out to the garden for a superhero challenge...


Annie Oakley beats Clark Kent every time. It's not every girl that can outrun Superman, but she was riding a horse, so I suppose she had an unfair advantage. Closer inspection of her technique shows that she also beat him in the flying department...



She's got some kind of Pegasus flappy-arms winged-horse thing going on there.

Anyhoo, a good time was had by all, particularly Amelie, who refused to stick to our rehashed plan of going to the shoe shop on the way home, and insisted on staying at the party until all the shops were shut. Which was a shame, as it meant we were still there at the end for the 'Chase the Dads' event. Of course, if you think that being pursued across someone's garden by a threatening gang of juveniles sounds like a nightmare, you haven't experienced Lorraine's methods of gentle encouragement. Having been shoved through the patio doors with a slap so hard it nearly knocked out my fillings, I turned around to threaten our host with a lawsuit, only to find myself being kicked up the backside with a pointy stiletto and the words "Get your arse out there, Phil".

I think I'm too old to party...