In an ideal world, when your guests are just leaving and you've managed to impress them with the quality of your home-made scones, you don't really want them noticing your industrial-sized sack of scone mix on the shelf by the front door. There's something about the words 'Just Add Water' which suggests you might not be the expert baker they took you for.

To be honest, I'm more Phil Pinewood than Paul Hollywood, and my pinewood is mostly MDF, but I do like to think that I demonstrated a lot of skill with that cookie cutter. And I got them out of the oven on time. I also showed a lot of dedication by eating four of them myself. Or possibly it was five. So all in all, I think I fully deserve this week's Star Baker award.

Anyhoo, despite our guests seeing behind the wizard's curtain as they departed from Oz, yesterday's afternoon tea was a roaring success. Stefan's looking particularly well at the moment...

Although I think he's had some work done. Possibly by Desperate Dan.

On the down side, my family are causing me to see stars...

That's not Lisa in the purple, it's a pillow. I keep it handy in case I want to smother someone.

As usual, Stefan and Andrew arrived bearing gifts, which on this occasion included a tin box for Amelie, containing miniature pens, paints, scissors, and a hand-held battery-operated disco light, which is the kind of essential household item that every home needs. Amelie certainly loves hers, and has been partying with it constantly since yesterday afternoon. Which is annoying, as I really want to have a go myself.

As for Toby, he responded to our visitors with all the welcoming enthusiasm of a Dalmatian meeting Cruella de Vil. Stefan and Andrew might be his godfathers, but he was more like an informant meeting the mob boss. He burst into tears the moment he saw them, and spent the afternoon eyeing them suspiciously from a safe distance. Andrew attempted to placate him with the gift of a plastic lion, but I think the boy took it as a death threat.

Ironically, however, the biggest revelation of the afternoon wasn't the gifts we received, or the manes we were sporting...

... it was the gift we already had. I mentioned last Thursday that we gave Amelie a Vtech Kidizoom Twist Plus digital camera for her birthday. What I didn't mention is that I hadn't read the instructions. And to be honest, I still haven't. Amelie's been using it for the past five days, and I told her last week that I'd sit down with her at some point and go through the manual, so that we could learn how to use all the features. But with school, work, parties, shopping and liturgical commitments, I never got around to it.

Fortunately, where I've failed as a father, Stefan and Andrew have succeeded as godparents. Amelie showed them her camera yesterday afternoon, and within half an hour, they'd discovered everything it can do, and worked out how to use it. Here's Stefan waving...

That's the camera's macular degeneration setting. I was quite impressed with the built-in effects and the quality of the pictures, but I was a lot more impressed with Amelie. It was only after our guests had departed that I connected the camera to the computer for the first time, and discovered that Amelie has been quietly experimenting with all the features since Wednesday of last week. We might not have looked at the manual or shown her how to use it, but by Saturday, she'd already taken dozens of photos, using numerous different effects, including masterpieces such as this one...

... and freakish photos such as this...

But if you think that picture's slightly unsettling, try this one on for size...

That genuinely gives me the willies. I think I've spawned some kind of devil child. But a devil child with brains. Which I suppose is an evil genius. With no tuition whatsoever, Amelie has single-handedly worked out how to use her camera's special effects, and been snapping away for days without us even knowing. She's even taken this one of Toby...

It's no wonder she's so keen on that disco light.