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Monday, April 14, 2014

I don't know what I've done to be blessed with such attractive kids...

... but it probably involves broken mirrors, unseen ladders, and possibly a gypsy curse. The moment Toby inherits my male pattern baldness, he's going to look a lot like Homer Simpson.

Anyhoo, I'm slightly distracted at the moment, as Amelie has just come home from the park with a tadpole in a white plastic cup, and asked me to look after it for her. Darwin's probably turning in his grave, as any creature which allows itself to be captured by Amelie using nothing more than a second-hand disposable cup, is clearly one that deserves not to have its DNA perpetuated, but I've foolishly said I will. It's currently sitting beside me on a shelf, in mortal danger of being knocked over by Toby. It clearly needs a larger tank than a small plastic cup though, so I might have to upgrade it to a latte glass.

The park where this act of animal liberation took place was this one...

I think the other two kids have just drunk what they thought was a nice cup of squash.

Anyhoo, it's been a busy few days. We might have given Grease the elbow, but we seem to have had plenty of other stuff to keep us occupied. I did a couple of hours overtime on Friday, before rushing home to take Amelie to her weekly swimming lesson. Unfortunately, we arrived to find the pool in darkness, and the swimming centre closed, which came as something of a surprise, as Lisa hadn't read the e-mail they'd sent her two days earlier, informing us that they were moving to the Brighton College pool for the Easter holidays. She only discovered that today, when she sat down to write them a letter of complaint.

Fortunately our time wasn't wasted, as Amelie and I walked to the Lidl bakery instead, and bought pretzels the size of footballs for 39p, but it was slightly annoying at the time.

On Saturday I popped back into work for three hours, before taking my family out for the afternoon to Portslade, where three of us got our hair done, and the fourth paid for all the shopping. That left Saturday evening for the housework, before I arose early on Sunday morning, popped back into work for an hour, and then took the kids down to the marina while Lisa rode into church on a donkey. Or sat on her ass. I forget which.

Amelie and I played a bit of al fresco ping-pong, while Toby chased a football towards the sea, then we popped into Asda for a birthday card, picked up Lisa, and headed to the garden centre to look at some fish. Lisa likes them with chips, but Amelie enjoys watching the aquariums and asking if we'll buy her a jellyfish. So I think I got off lightly with the tadpole.

From there we returned home and forced Toby into his cot for an hour, before heading back out to visit his godparents...

I think they make a lovely family. I told Stefan today that if Lisa and I are ever mown down in a road traffic accident, he and Andrew should raise our kids. In fact, we don't need to wait for the accident. They're welcome to have them now.

To be honest, I don't know why they keep inviting us round. Toby spent the afternoon throwing their stuff across the living room, stomping on their crockery, and eating all their cake. And when he starts looking embarrassed, you know your daughter's not on her best behaviour either...

But if you think Amelie's got the silliest grin in that photo, check out SpongeBob on the table. That was our birthday present to Stefan. It would be wrong of me to reveal his age in public, but our gift should ensure that plenty of people ask him how old he is. In a slightly condescending manner.

Mind you, the rest of us aren't exactly mature...

Shortly after that photo was taken, Stefan showed me a nude photo of our old boss, so if you think I look startled there, you should have seen me two minutes later. Frankly I needed to sit down, and they were kind enough to offer me a chair. Which I accepted, and brought home in the boot of the car. I'm now using it at the computer. Hopefully it'll last longer than the chocolate cake with peanut butter icing, which I'm currently carrying around my midriff. It was the easiest way of smuggling it out.

Anyhoo, amidst all of that weekend activity, I also managed to find time to exchange a few e-mails with some American stockmarket investors who misinterpreted my recent shark presentation as a major international news leak, and thought I was about to make them millions. Which is not a sentence I ever thought I'd write. Fortunately, I was able to set them straight. When they e-mailed and asked me what I knew, I just typed "Nothing" and clicked on 'Send'. I did the same when they asked me what I was paid.


Phil's Mum said...

Reading about your weekends leaves me exhausted.