Another week has gone by, and I think it's time to get frogs' legs off the menu...

My plan for the bank holiday weekend is to remake 'Born Free' at Queens Park by releasing Amelie's tadpole back into the wild. I'm not sure we can technically call it a tadpole any more, and if we try to keep it in captivity for much longer, there's every chance it might croak it. Toby's already very interested in the thing (possibly because we're keeping it in a biscuit tin), and given half a chance, he'll end up succeeding where Lisa's failed by chucking it down the toilet.

So in the great tradition of Elsa the lioness, Keiko the orca and Ronnie Biggs, we'll be releasing Wriggly back to the safety of the park pond this afternoon. Assuming I can get over Amelie's dead body. She's currently showing very slight resistance to the idea, and is threatening to barricade herself into the bedroom and chain herself to some algae. I think she's hoping that if she hangs on to the tadpole long enough, it'll turn into Zigzoo from Tree Fu Tom and start talking to her.

So before we can film Born Free, we might have to remake Kramer vs Kramer, but I'm confident we can succeed. As for this morning, it's the annual Children's Parade through the city centre, which kicks off the Brighton Festival. Amelie's school is taking part, but sadly they don't involve reception class, so she's not officially invited. Which is a real shame if you ask me. They need all the overconfident show-offs they can get.

And Amelie's made for an event like this. It's supposed to be a moving explosion of music and dance, and only yesterday she was boogieing down the hallway with her brother, performing her own unique version of 'Gangnam Style'. And I'm telling you now, you haven't lived until you've witnessed your five-year-old daughter leading your hapless son in a display of contemporary dance whilst singing "Heyyyyyyy, sexy Toby!"

Although I'm glad social services weren't around.