It's Amelie in Russia!

I modelled her outfit on that tent. She's wearing quite a big top.

Anyhoo, I'm on annual leave for the next two weeks, which basically means I'm a lot busier than when I'm at work. But despite that, I managed to find the time to take Amelie back to the USSR yesterday, with a visit to the Moscow State Circus. They'd chosen to give Ukraine the swerve this year, and bring their summer touring show to Brighton instead, so as one of the world's great travelling circuses, I felt it would be a crimea to miss them.

And besides, Lisa paid for the tickets. I think she just wanted me and Amelie out of the house for the afternoon. To be fair though, she also remembers with great fondness the look on my face the first time we went to see Britain's Got Talent, so she knows that my little heart fills with joy the moment I clap eyes on a dodgy variety act, and she was hoping it would be a treat for us both.

And so it proved. Amelie was excited before the show even started...

And I was just pleased that Lisa had paid for the more expensive padded seats, away from the riff-raff. We'd had a late night at the doctor's the evening before, and after very little sleep, I was all ready to curl up for a nap in the dark.

As it transpired, however, the show was quite eye-opening, and a wake-up call to the talentless losers on BGT. I took a number of photos, but having reviewed them in all their blurry, badly-lit glory, I've decided I'd be better off posting this promotional video instead...


That song (Moscow, Moscow, ho-ho-ho-ho-ho - I think I've got those words right) was played at the end of the show, and resulted in me singing it all the way home in the car, which annoyed Amelie no end. But other than that, she loved it. She even liked the clown, who was actually a different chap from the bloke in the video above, and genuinely quite amusing. I was determined not to find him funny, but he won me over in the end.

As for the other acts, they were all quite outstanding, and made you realise what the human body is capable of if you don't spend your life on a sofa eating pies. Amelie particularly liked the ladies on the giant hamster wheel (her words), while my favourite was Zohra the footballer, who can be seen here on the local news, breaking the world record for the most number of keepy-uppys achieved whilst balanced on a giant football and juggling three other footballs simultaneously. It's a record we've all tried to break in our time, and I've come dangerously close myself, but Zohra's actually been there and done it.

Unfortunately for him, Amelie wasn't that impressed, as she told me she thought it looked quite easy. She also wanted to have a go on the giant swing which launched acrobats right into the roof of the tent, which appeared to be on the terrifying side of scary to me, but to Amelie looked like fun. I'll be expecting her to try that at the park. The other highlight for me was the juggling, which reached new heights in a very literal sense, when they attached themselves to poles (it's an Eastern European thing) and juggled clubs across the stage in mid-air.

The other stand-out moment was when they completely fooled us all by making us think that the tiny four-year-old boy who was plucked out of the crowd in the second half to join the clown on stage was just a random member of the audience. By the time he reappeared riding a unicycle and doing break-dancing moves, I think we'd all twigged that he was part of the show. Although I still had to explain that to my daughter on the way home.

By the time we left, Amelie was clutching a £4 tub of candy floss and a £6 flashing wand, while I was holding a noticeably lighter wallet, but we'd both had a good time. In fact I'd recommend it to anyone. Although you'll have to go to Portsmouth to see it. The circus moved on from Brighton last night, and despite all of Lisa threats, it left town without her.