On the day the UN announced that the ozone layer is showing signs of recovery, it's heart-warming (if not global warming) to discover that my Asda personal shopper has done his or her best to protect the environment by choosing not to put my carrots in a plastic bag, but instead to stick the label on direct with some extra-strong adhesive...

Let's hope the glue is non-toxic. Not that it really matters, as I have an aerosol cleaner I bought in the early 80s which should get that off no problem.

Anyhoo, having spent four weeks being driven into the ground by well-meaning healthcare professionals who are determined to improve my facial health at the expense of my mental health, I'm due back at Occupational Health tomorrow, where I will be telling them politely and respectfully, but firmly and slightly irritably, that I no longer need their help. They really have done enough for me. And I need them to stop before I lose every bloody thing I've worked for.

The good news, however, is that I can use our monthly national exam to prove that I'm now 100% fit for work...

I might have an unresolved palsy, but I'm responding a lot better than that button.