I do love a grumpy charity shop worker. I've just returned from Age Concern (frankly I'd be more concerned about their staff) where I found a book I'll be giving to my brother for Christmas, along with the impression that I paid full price for it from Waterstones. Unfortunately the book didn't seem to be priced, and lacking the mind-reading skills of Derren Brown, I was therefore forced to take it to the lady on the till and politely ask how much it was.

Being a cheerful and friendly member of the service industry, she naturally sighed, scowled, tutted, and looked at me like I'd just murdered her children, before replying "I was tired when I put those out, so I haven't priced them", as though that actually answered my question. Fortunately, having stood around for an eternity while she pondered how on earth to solve this seemingly impossible problem, I eventually offered her two quid, she acted like I was taking food from the mouths of pensioners all over Britain, and we struck a deal. Unless my brother's reading this, in which case I went down the road and paid £10.99 for it instead.

Fortunately though, it was all uphill from there on in, as five minutes later I found myself in 'Cardome', which really ought to sell automobiles, but actually sells cards, where I bought a festive notelet with the words "We All Like Figgy Pudding" in big print on the front. After which the man on the till handed me a voucher for a free leg tanning session next door at 'Tube Station Tanning'. I've looked them up on the internet, and was naturally thrilled to find they're listed on Gay Brighton & Hove under 'Saunas', just below Bristol Gardens, "a predominantly gay (discretion required) sauna for naturists".

Something tells me the word's getting around about my choice of carrier bags...