MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY! And a ho-ho-ho to one and all. Which, if we were gangsta rappers, would mean something else entirely.

Anyhoo, it's Christmas Day and my sister's come out as a lesbian.

Well ok, she hasn't. But she was telling us last night about a book called 'Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps', which features a test designed to reveal whether you have a masculine or feminine brain. She'd apparently come out as more manly than any man she knows, though as my Mum pointed out, that's not necessarily a bad thing, and we're not too worried about her.

But the good news is I've tracked down the quiz online this morning, so in the absence of a stocking to open, I've answered 30 probing questions about my sexual leanings. I received a score of 115, which makes me the perfect blend of macho posturing and caring sensitivity. According to the website, "The lower the score for a woman, the more likely she will be to have lesbian tendencies", so I couldn't possibly tell you what my sister got. Though I can reveal she made it into double figures. Not that it means a thing. She just happens to be good at parking.

And on the bright side, her hair's looking very festive. She looks like the scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz.