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Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Adult DirectionsBack in 1988, when I was sweet... um... fifteen, I was forced by an overenthusiastic careers advisor to have my life analysed by CASCAiD, an advanced computer program which took all the available data about me, analysed it extensively for a week, then produced a detailed report saying that I really ought to be a fashion designer. Interestingly I didn't do GCSE Art, thought Versace was a type of pasta, and got most of my clothes from SavaCentre, but that aside it was astonishingly accurate.

Nineteen years on, I've obviously failed to get into fashion, and the only cat walk I do is to the litter tray, but as luck would have it, I've been given a second bite of the careers cherry. I went into town yesterday to gather presents for half my family, all of whom have the audacity to have birthdays in April, and having collected some tat in the name of love, I went into the Shelter charity shop, where lo and behold I found a brand new, shrink-wrapped copy of CASCAiD.

It's now known as Adult Directions, and is developed by Loughborough University, who charge a mere £235 a year, plus VAT, for the software. Which is obviously a small price to pay. But not quite as small as £2.99, which is what I got it for.

Unfortunately my copy was produced two years ago, and having tried to install it on my PC, I was told the software had expired, and I should contact customer services for the unique opportunity to pay another £235 so that I can continue using it for the next twelve months. Which was a bit of a blow. So I changed the clock on my computer to 2005, and it works fine now. It's just a shame that didn't happen a day earlier when I was trying to come up with an example of my problem-solving skills for a job application form.

Anyhoo, the good news is that computers have come on a lot in the last nineteen years, and this version of the software is far more sophisticated than the one which took a week to generate my results in 1988. I answered the 116 questions last night, entered all my skills (that didn't take long), and I'm pleased to say it's no longer suggesting a career in fashion. The top three jobs most suited to me in 2007 are:

1. Website Designer. Fair enough.

2. Dog Groomer. I've never owned a dog.

3. Wigmaker.

Blimey, I knew the software was sophisticated, but I didn't know it could tell I was bald. Apparently 'Scriptwriter' is only a 'Questionable Match' for me. I investigated why, and was told that when asked if I'd like a job which involved evening and weekend work, I'd said no. So it's back to the wigs for me then.

But while I look for a job at Toupees R Us, I have at least achieved one position to be proud of. Nine months after moving here, I'm now officially a Brighton Blogger. Hurrah! I wonder why there wasn't a similar website for Shotley Gate?