It's a miracle...


I think HSE stands for hope springs eternal. Apparently if one of the exercises had been real, Lisa would now be dead, as she attempted to save an injured person by picking up a live electrical cable with her bare hands. I think they only agreed to give her a certificate if she promised never to put her knowledge into practice.

But despite the glory of scraping a pass in her first aid course, Lisa herself is far more pleased with a comment made during one of the exercises. She was stretching her acting skills at the time by lying unconscious (presumably having taken all the duvet, if home life is anything to go by), whilst another trainee pretended to call 999. I'm not sure if he was a trained actor, but whilst on the phone he apparently described Lisa to the emergency services as "a woman in her mid-twenties". Which was almost enough to revive her on the spot. I asked if he was wearing glasses. She said no. So he'd clearly left them at home.

In other news, my article in The Kemptown Rag in which I pedantically point out the spelling mistakes of would-be world leaders, has clearly had a lasting effect on staff, with everyone checking and double-checking their spelling, lest they incur the wrath of my pen. I've just had this e-mail from the editor...

Hi Phil
Just to let you know the next deaedline is Friday, in case you feel inspired to write something.
All the best
Sarah

Right, that's it, she's deaed.