If you think the most impressive performance at last night's Eurovision Song Contest came from Azerbaijan (or possibly the breakaway state of Jedward) then you'd be wrong. The standout achievement of the evening actually came in the form of this text message, sent from me to Big Sis at 9:33pm, two minutes after Azerbaijan took to the stage...

I might not be able to find their country on a map, but I can spot a winner a mile away. Ell and Nikki had barely floated offstage in their wedding outfits, and I was already telling Lisa they had it sewn up.

Naturally she refused to believe me, and continued championing her favourites, Romania. That's the same Romania who finished 17th. As I told her at the time, there's only so much talent in one country, and they've already produced The Cheeky Girls.

So with Lisa refusing to recognise my incredible musical insight, I texted Big Sis instead. I'm not sure she noticed though. She sent me eighteen messages last night, but most of them were questioning whether Moldova exists, and asking where Terry Wogan's gone.

But on the subject of televisual insight, we were watching The Apprentice last Wednesday, where the teams had to create a new mobile phone app, and like a flash of psychic sixth sense, two things suddenly occurred to me. Firstly, that these people are the kind of mindless fools who are barely suited to YTS, never mind The Apprentice, and really should be painting fences on a Community Payback scheme; and secondly, that I ought to be doing more with my iPad. Not that I could really be doing less. It's been on the shelf for so long the battery had gone flat, and was so dusty I could write my name on the screen without turning it on.

But having watched the teams create a couple of apps which would insult the intelligence of a two-year-old, I realised there was probably a whole world of games out there for Amelie to play. She has a lot more free time than I do, and is more technologically minded. So yesterday I went onto the App Store, entered the words 'preschool' and (more importantly) 'FREE' into the search box, and downloaded a few games.

Now, I'm not saying she's some kind of child genius (well ok, I am), but she's only had this game for twenty-four hours, and she hasn't even read the instructions...


That's Shape Puzzle HD, a free jigsaw game from Chinese developer Newness World, which is the kind of name you come up with when your first language isn't English. Am was addicted within half an hour. I tried to take her shopping yesterday, and she told me she couldn't come until she'd finished the elephant. I actually had to stand by the front door and wait while she slid a trunk and two ears into place.

She's now plugging the game on YouTube, so I think I'll e-mail China for a free copy of the paid version.