Lisa and I are going to see the 'Britain's Got Talent' live tour at the Brighton Centre next month. We took Amelie to the show three years ago as part of a scientific investigation into the effects of top quality entertainment on the unborn child, and sure enough, three months later she emerged into this world, gifted and with a love of dancing dogs.

No one enjoyed the show quite as much as I did though, and to this day, Lisa still speaks of my little face lighting up with pleasure as I watched the Cheeky Monkeys and wished I could get my hands on a Gin. I'd booked our tickets for this year's tour before the series had even started on TV, and having seen Gay & Alan with the handbells, I'm looking forward to it more than ever.

So imagine my delight when I opened up my e-mails this morning and found this hand-drawn picture of Ant & Dec, sent from a fellow fan...


It's the first decent sketch those two have appeared in since the days of SM:TV Live, and it came direct to me from Milton Keynes' top drawer, king of the bargain bass men and owner of the happiest cat in wonderland, Jon Cheshire. He's trying to prove that Bletchley's got talent.

Unfortunately, having read his e-mail, I was forced to clear the Decs from my mind, when I discovered that the bloke on the right who looks like Fred Flintstone is actually Paul Gascoigne. So I presume the one on the left is Raoul Moat. Either way, Gazza hasn't been so pale and drawn since he came off drugs.