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Sunday, May 01, 2011

Just look at that kid with the pale face, soft coat and huge appetite...

Our Kid
That's Amelie feeding a goat. Although as Crocodile Dundee might have put it, that's not a goat. This is a goat...

Geting My Goat
If you're going to put your hand inside the mouth of an animal, it's always good to find one with twelve-inch horns. It gives you something to hold on to when you're trying to wrest your severed arm out of its bloody jaws. Personally I won't pat anything bigger than a rabbit unless it's had a major stroke of a different kind and is essentially paralysed. It's how I've made it to the age of 37 with ten fingers. But obviously if you're two-and-a-half, with a year of cat-wrangling experience behind you, a horny goat with terrible tusks, terrible claws, and terrible teeth in its terrible jaws, holds very little fear for you. Especially if you don't know about E. coli.

Anyhoo, having visited Big Sis last weekend, it seemed only fair to spread the love around and drop in on Big Bro a week later. He's always watching me, and I wouldn't like him to think I show favouritism. Unfortunately, when it comes to visiting my brother, the only way is Essex, so we decided to limit our stay to a day and make sure we were home before midnight.

The good news is that if you're willing to break the speed limit, you can get from Brighton to Southend in about ninety minutes. Or an hour and forty-five if you include the time it takes to stop on the A23 and persuade Amelie to stop moaning. Ultimately, the journey goes a lot quicker with music...

AM Radio
We arrived in leafy Westcliff-on-Sea at 12:35pm yesterday, just five minutes later than we'd said. Only to find that my brother was out. But as luck would have it, he arrived home one minute later. And told us we couldn't enter the house due to industrial levels of dust. Despite knowing of our visit for at least a fortnight, he'd decided there was no better time to get down to the tool-hire shop and strip the hallway floor with a heavy duty sander. He'd been returning it when we got there.

So we were welcomed over the threshold with the advice not to breathe in until we'd made it out to the garden. We were then kettled there for an hour with a cup of tea and a flapjack, while my brother and his wife made the house fit for human habitation. It gave Amelie the chance to surprise their three-legged cat by picking her up when she least expected it, after which there was just time for her to run rings around her uncle when he emerged for five minutes in a cloud of sawdust...


A quick change of clothes later, and we headed off to the Salvation Army's Hadleigh Farm for a bit of heavy petting. It's home to a Rare Breeds Centre, featuring various animals who are already on the verge of extinction before they've even met Amelie.

Here we all are, on the floor, doing a bit more sanding...

Kids in the Sandbox
Unfortunately, I don't know if it's just coincidence, lack of sleep, or an adverse reaction to sawdust, but I'm feeling a bit peaky today. Obviously I wake up with a fat face almost every day of the week, but this morning I had the puffy eyes and cheeks of a hamster, and am currently so dosed up on Piriton, I'd fail an Olympic drugs test. Other people are sensitive to cats and dogs; I think I'm allergic to rare goats. So I'll leave the rest of this animal tale till tomorrow.

5 comments:

Phil's Mum said...

It sounds like a definite allergy to DIY work.

Dave said...

You have ten fingers?  Are you sure you're not from Norfolk?

Phil said...

Two of them are fudge.

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