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Thursday, June 12, 2008

I'm tempted to abandon my plans to write about Monday, because after five months of pregnancy without so much as a sniff of a swollen ankle, Lisa's left foot has suddenly ballooned more than Richard Branson, and there could be a major photo opportunity on the cards. Imagine five cocktail sausages attached to a rugby ball, and you're halfway there. I've told her it's quite normal in pregnancy, but just between you and me, I think we may have to amputate.

Anyhoo, returning to the matter in hand... Monday. Lisa and I went to see the Britain's Got Talent live tour at the Brighton Centre, and as unlikely as it may sound, I thoroughly enjoyed it. Admittedly it might seem like lunacy to spend £65 on two tickets to see a bunch of people who, until a fortnight ago, were basically just members of the public, but where else are you going to see sights like this...

Stiff GinIt's Kate and Gin! (Kate's the one on the right). And I have to say, their act's even better in real life than it was on the telly. Gin's a real tonic. I haven't laughed so much in years. I'd have clapped too, but applause was outlawed in case it spooked her and she savaged half the front row. I'm talking about Gin there.

The other big highlight for me was Signature, who forged their way to second place on the TV show, and opened the live show on Monday. It's not until you see Suleman (wasn't he in Lord of the Rings?) dance right in front of you that you realise just how phenomenally good he is. Frankly he's even better than Gin.

The most talented performer though was probably Faryl Smith. If you like that sort of thing. Personally I'd rather see the Cheeky Monkeys again (you can't clap along to Ave Maria). But if Faryl Smith isn't singing for the Pope by the end of the year, I'll eat my hat. She makes Charlotte Church sound like a pub singer.

I particularly liked the way the producers combined some of the acts, so that in addition to doing their own routines, Faryl sang a duet with Andrew Johnston (and wiped the floor with him, it has to be said), while Signature, Nemisis (no, I haven't spelt that wrong) and George Sampson danced a joint routine. I know I have low standards, but I thought it was fantastic. And so did everyone else. At one point the entire audience rose to their feet to give a standing ovation. Well, I say the entire audience. There was one person who remained seated. I can't name names, but her excuse was she's pregnant.

As for overall winner, George, the Daily Telegraph reported the following morning that he's been given SAS protection to keep his female fans at bay. And frankly he needs it. I haven't seen women so hysterical since I announced I was no longer single. Within moments of him taking to the stage, half the audience were screaming so loudly I thought someone had set off an air raid siren. We left the Brighton Centre after the show just as George's tour bus was trying to make a quick getaway through a crowd of emotionally charged girls. It was like something out of Speed, only far more terrifying.