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Monday, November 26, 2012

We were watching 'Strictly Come Dancing' last night in that way you do when you're on the verge of a nervous breakdown and can't summon the strength to get off the sofa, and Tess Daly made a comment about the contestants having a ball. Which seemed to be stating the obvious on a dancing show. It prompted me to ask Lisa when she last had a ball. She replied "Daily", which slightly surprised me. Until I realised she'd thought I'd said 'bawl'.

It's actually been a tough few days in the world of parenthood. My own personal level of agony has been outdone in the past week by Toby, who appears to be teething, and is spending a lot of time screaming his head off with his fist in his mouth. Which is not the most endearing habit at 3am. As a result, Lisa and I have been feeling somewhat stressed and sleep-deprived, while Amelie has suggested putting Toby in the bin. But despite the regular tears, his winning smiles are keeping us going. And when those fail, we're using chocolate and paracetamol.

Fortunately, we're still managing to get out of the house. Down the stairs, past the broken lift. Lisa and Amelie had an appointment to get their hair cut in Portslade on Saturday afternoon, so having written my blog while Lisa stood by the front door in her coat, I gave them a lift over there. It gave Amelie the chance to educate me from the back seat of the car.

Obviously she's already done her best to keep me informed about the world's beluga whale population, but she followed that up on Saturday by saying "Daddy, did you know there's a type of fish called a salmon?". She never asks Lisa these questions, so clearly she thinks I'm the ignorant member of the family. I told her that yes, I did know that, and decided to demonstrate my knowledge of wildlife by telling her that bears like to catch and eat them.

I was expecting her to be impressed by that, but instead she replied "I know. And black bears scratch on trees to tell the other bears where they are". I should know better than to try to compete with Miss Attenborough.

Anyhoo, we made it to the salon (ten minutes late), so here's Amelie displaying the fringe benefits of a new haircut...

I think the teapot might sue for copyright infringement, but it's impressive how many Christmas songs she's managed to learn. She knows a lot more than I do. As she frequently points out.

Having felt physically rough all week, I decided to order this weekend's shopping online, which is just as well, because by Saturday evening I'd taken a turn for the worse. The chap from Sainsbury's was due here at 7pm on Saturday, and with the lift still broken, I felt slightly guilty about making him carry all our shopping up to the second floor. In the end though, I decided that he couldn't possibly feel as weak as I did, and was being paid to do it, so I resolved not to feel bad.

Until he arrived with our three sacks of cat litter and sixteen pints of milk, and revealed himself to be a woman. Not literally, of course. It was actually quite obvious, so I chose not to ask for a sex test. But in all the years I've dabbled in online grocery shopping, it's never been delivered by a young lady. Until now, when the lift's out of order.

Obviously in this day and age, the issue of gender shouldn't matter to anyone but the Church of England, but sadly I'm an old fashioned chap, and couldn't bear to let the girl trudge up and down the stairs with our jacket potatoes, tinned tomatoes and bottles of squash, so I insisted on doing it all myself. It's no wonder I felt so rough yesterday.

I did have one moment to treasure on Sunday though. We took Amelie for her regular swimming lesson in the afternoon, and she wore her brand new rubber swimming cap that Lisa bought for her online. It's the first time the girl's looked like me since she grew hair.


Phil's Mum said...

I'm still waiting for 'Away in a manger'  - perhaps next year!  As for Toby, are you pouring copious amounts of Calpol down his throat?  He'd better not be teething next April. 

A Passer-By said...

Lovely song from Amelie.   When do we see Lisa singing the original?!

Phil said...

Are you calling my wife short and stout?

A Passer-By said...

I recall Lisa doing the actions outside DeBeers in London as part of her 40th celebrations!   All we need now is the singing version!

A Passer-By said...

"using chocolate and paracetamol" - I guess that the chocolate is for you and the paracetamol is for Toby!

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