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Tuesday, March 02, 2004

I was encouraged (mostly against my will, it has to be said) to take's Personality Test yesterday, by someone who shall remain nameless (it was Marie), and who I suspect was merely trying to justify the fact that she'd wasted ten minutes of her life doing it herself, and thought she'd feel better if I wasted ten minutes of mine doing it too.

Having agreed to this venture, this nameless person (did I mention it was Marie?) said "you're very easily bullied aren't you", which I personally thought was a more incisive and accurate evaluation of my personality than the scientists at could ever muster, but still, for what it's worth, here's the gist of my personal attraction report...

You're a rising star
You're smart, insightful, and willing to fight for what you believe in. Being good at
your job and recognized for your contributions is key to being a "success" in life. You do what you say and say what you mean. These are very attractive and
masculine qualities. You have a vision for the future and always are searching to find love and a sense of "balance" in your life. Because you're an independent guy and a little shy, you only let a few people get especially close. Still, you have an emotional depth that most men lack. So you're ready and able to experience romance and a powerful "spark" with someone special.

It has to be said that there was a certain amount of scoffing from some quarters at the suggestion that I'm a "rising star". But not nearly as much as was heading back in the other direction when da Melee revealed that she'd been branded a "pillar of strength". I still haven't stopped laughing. But I mean that in a caring way.

Today however, I've moved on from personality to physicality. Against my better judgement, and for reasons unknown, I took the companion test - that of Physical Attraction. I have to say, it was embarrassingly enjoyable. You get to look at numerous photos of women, and be brutally judgemental, all in the name of science.

And at the end of this exercise, I was told in no uncertain terms...

"Interestingly, a lot of the features you liked are not especially popular. They're not what usually defines 'mainstream' attractiveness for women."

So I'm attracted to freaks. Thanks.

I was then informed that I particularly like Ecto-Mesomorphs (no, really) with light brown hair and button noses, and that the feature I most dislike is women under the age of 25. I'm not sure that's strictly a 'feature', since it's one that tends to change naturally without the need for plastic surgery, usually about one year after your 24th birthday. But it's news which should be enough to petrify anyone who's about to turn 25 this coming July.

Moving on...

"You probably struggle with balancing the natural instincts that draw you to good looking women, with your desire to find smart, mature, and well-rounded women."

That's so true. I do struggle. And so do the women I find. Which is where Chloroform comes in handy.

"While you may enjoy looking at different breast sizes, based upon the choices you made, you prefer a woman with medium breasts."

No, really, this test is scientific.

"You seemed especially interested in women with brown eyes. In the test, you may
not have even noticed eye color on a conscious level. However, those smoldering brown eyes apparently stood out to you on an unconscious level."

Yeah, or maybe I just need to adjust the contrast on my monitor. And finally...

"You have an eye for women with attractive noses."

Which I suppose is better than having a nose for women with attractive eyes. Still, all this information should prove useful to anyone thinking of making a move on February 29th 2008. But only if I'm still single. So like I say, it should prove useful.