I've just returned from "the best pub in Brighton" (which on top of not stocking Bacardi, orange juice, ice cubes, or barmaids who aren't on drugs, now seems to have a leaky roof), where I met Lisa for a lunchtime drink. We'd clearly arrived at the wrong time though, because according to their new sign, if we'd been there just a few hours later, we'd have experienced "HolySoul JellyRoll (with a sideorder of funk), with DJ Pyrate & Neil-By-Mouth". You have to admire anyone who calls himself Neil-By-Mouth. He'd get on well with Betty Swollocks.

Tuesday night, on the other hand, is merely "Indie Night with DJs Dave & Tony". Something tells me Dave & Tony could learn a thing or two about marketing from Neil and the Pyrate.

Anyhoo, having been dripped on for half an hour in The St James, I returned Lisa to work and made my way to the nearest charity shop, where I bought a very fetching Next top for £2.50. The old dear on the till gave me the equally stylish carrier bag on the right in which to transport it back to Lisa's. Which I did, proudly swinging it through the air as I went, in a kind of "I've-got-a-Next-top-for-£2.50-so-ner" type way.

Having made it home, curiosity got the better of me however, and I thought I'd look up CloneZone on the internet, to see what kind of quality products they sell.

It's good news.

I've just walked a mile and a half through some of Brighton's rougher neighbourhoods with a bag from a gay sex shop.