Fantastic news! I failed to win so much as a penny on the Monday Lottery last night. And not only that, but I proved surprisingly lacking in good fortune when it came to the 'Draw for the Unlucky' too. Who'd have thought it. So that's me £5 nearer the poorhouse, and sufferers of hideous skin diseases 30p nearer a cure. I know who I feel more sorry for.

But to cheer myself up I've just been browsing for guitar strings on the internet, and in news of the most exciting kind, I've found that Strings Direct are now stocking a new brand of wiry thing. To explain the significance of this discovery, you need to know that my current guitar looks like this...

... and the strap I subsequently bought for it (£5.99 from Music World in Ipswich - bargain), looks like this. Notice the startling colour similarity.

So imagine my delight (no, go on, try) to discover that it's now possible to buy guitar strings which look like this. They're called 'Extra Life Peacock Blue', and last longer than the average string, presumably because no one in their right mind would take them out of the packet. But naturally that hasn't stopped me ordering a set.

On the downside, wearing jeans and playing my guitar outside on a clear day could now result in me disappearing altogether, but on the plus side [very bad pun coming up] they'll be perfect for playing the blues. It's just a shame my favourite colour's red. Oh, and anyone who says they look more turquoise than blue will find themselves immediately struck off my Christmas card list.

Anyhoo, despite having been home for less than a week, I'm back down to Brighton tomorrow to pick up Lisa for our second trip to Texas this year. Unfortunately this one features less transatlantic flying, and more catching a bus to the Brighton Centre. It might not be so glamorous, but there should be fewer people with guns.

And on the subject of music, it's a well known fact that I'm down with the kids, so I happened to see the first showing of Fatboy Slim's new video just after midnight on Channel 4 last night. I couldn't tell you the name of the song, or even hum a line from the chorus, but I have to say it's just about the most jaw-dropping four minutes of television you're ever likely to see. Unless they show a repeat of that penis enlargement programme from a couple of months ago.

It features a man and his three balls, which is typical late-night Channel 4, but it's what he did with them that was amazing. Fortunately I've tracked him down, and his name's Chris Bliss. More intriguing still is that judging by this link, it appears the video was only filmed last Wednesday, so Channel 4 did well to get hold of it so quickly. Mind you, I don't suppose there was a lot of post-production to do - the whole thing looks like it was shot on a budget of about £2.50.

But anyway... if, like me, the thought of sitting through an hour of June Sarpong on a Saturday morning just to see a Fatboy Slim video fills you with uncontrollable dread, you can see the same remarkable act performed here. It's enough to inspire me to get out my balls and start tossing.