I take it all back about those local children. They're currently rolling a Tigger on wheels back and forth along the path outside my living room window, and making enough noise to drown out Joe Pasquale on The Price is Right (which, to be fair, isn't entirely unwelcome). I wouldn't mind, but Tiggers are meant to bounce, not travel by go-kart. They need to study the source text more carefully.

But that aside, I've just received one of my regular e-mails from the Wolsey Theatre in Ipswich, informing me of their latest upcoming productions, and generously inviting me to attend one of them in exchange for some money. They've just finished a bit of Arthur Miller starring Dr Legg from Eastenders, so I was naturally excited to see what they have planned next, and let's just say I wasn't disappointed. Starting Friday, they're offering the residents of rural Suffolk the chance to see 'Life of a B-Boy', which may sound like the biography of a young apiarist, but is in fact "an exciting collaboration between Hip Hop theatre visionary Benji Reid, leading UK scratch DJ G Kut and top UK B-boys Mouse, Steady and Chimp."

I wonder if those are their given names? Funnily enough, I've never liked the name Benji, but it still seems better than being called Mouse, Steady or Chimp. Especially Chimp. Lisa would have nothing to do with me.*

Being down with the kids, I happen to know that a B-boy is a breakdancer. Not, perhaps, the most popular pastime in Suffolk. Or, as the Wolsey Theatre website puts it, "ticket availability is good".

In other news, I completed a fine hat-trick on Saturday night by failing to get any numbers whatsoever in the National Lottery for the third week running. Which wouldn't be so bad were it not for the fact that I only started playing three weeks ago. So as of this afternoon, I've diversified, and have now registered to play the new Monday Lottery, as advertised by the bloke who sounds like Harry H Corbett in Steptoe & Son.

You get to choose which charity you support, so I'm proud to announce that I'm now personally funding research into Epidermolysis Bullosa. Which I think is the beef equivalent of pork crackling. A worthy cause if ever I saw one.

But the best news is that the Monday Lottery features a 'Draw for the Unlucky'. If you support all five charity lotteries in one week and fail to win a prize (something I've demonstrated a bit of a flair for), you're automatically entered into an extra draw for the chance to win 26 grand. That money's as good as mine.

* She has an irrational fear of monkeys. No, seriously. Apparently it's all down to being accosted on Brighton seafront as a child by a photographer with a couple of primates in kipper ties. Or something.