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Wednesday, February 21, 2007

I'm not racist (I voted for Shilpa on Big Brother) but I do wish my local Somerfield would employ people who speak English. I was forced to have a two minute argument at the checkout yesterday, whilst a growing queue of irate customers stared at me as though it was my fault, because the woman on the till thought that 'excludes' means the same as 'includes'. Actually, now I come to think about it, maybe she wasn't so much foreign as thick.

I had a voucher for 50p off Somerfield's Healthy Choice range, which stated "Excludes Fresh Milk, Chicken Fillets..." and a few other things I wasn't buying. That was enough to prompt the lady in question to inform me (patronisingly, and in broken English) that turkey isn't the same as chicken, and therefore the turkey steaks I was buying aren't covered. I pointed out (even more patronisingly, and in the Queen's English) that I know turkey isn't the same as chicken, and that's why they are covered, which led to a pointless debate in which I swore blind that 'excludes' means you can't use it against those items, she refused to believe me, insisted it must be used against those items, and I thought about hitting her.

In the end she offered to prove it to me by scanning the voucher, the computer accepted it, she went "Oh..." and I got my 50p off.

Anyhoo, having experienced what it's like to work so hard for so little money, I've decided to apply for another job. I may have been rejected by Hitler (that's Newhaven Fort, not Jakki Phillips at the Argus), but I'm not easily put off, so I'm considering a position on the Entertainment Staff at Brighton Sea Life Centre. It basically involves accepting minimum wage to stroke stingrays and talk to small children about fish for forty hours a week. I eat a lot of tuna, so I think I'm well qualified. Although I refuse to dress up as a turtle.

NO PAROLE FOR STOATSThe only downside is that the local Green Party managed to get a decision to bring seals and otters to the centre overturned last summer by holding up banners saying "NO OTTER PRISON IN BRIGHTON", and claiming "They would be living in the middle of a busy traffic hotspot", and might get run over. Or something. Which is a shame - I'd quite like to tell people I work at an Otter Prison.