I'm not saying yesterday's movie was disappointing, but about thirty seconds into the film, I felt like saying 'Away We Go' to Lisa and walking out of the cinema. I've never disliked the opening scene of a movie quite as much as I did this one. It gave new meaning to the word 'distasteful', and proved that I'm clearly not as broad-minded as I thought I was. I felt like heading straight for 'District 9' on the next screen. At least aliens don't perform oral sex within seconds of being introduced.

Anyhoo, as the ticket on the left demonstrates, we arrived for the 1 o'clock showing of 'Away We Go' at precisely 1:03pm, which proves it's not always Amelie's fault that we're late for everything. If it wasn't for adverts and trailers, we might have missed that opening scene, and I wouldn't have viewed the rest of the film from a position of deep-seated hatred, but even then, I'm not sure it would have won me over. I tend to agree with this review, which calls it "an exercise in self-righteous, progressive banality", although The Times describes it pretty accurately too.

Unfortunately we didn't read those reviews before we went. We tended to believe the trailer instead, which presented a slightly different view, namely that it's the best film of the year so far. Which is probably true if you haven't seen any other films.

To be fair though, our viewing experience wasn't exactly helped by the company we kept at the Brighton Odeon. There were only five other people in the cinema (so obviously some people had read the reviews), which made it seem all the more unlucky that we found ourselves sat in front of an adult with learning difficulties, who'd been brought along by his carer. To be honest though, his habit of shouting "Where's Burt?" at the top of his voice, and reading aloud any text which appeared on the screen, was just about the most entertaining part of the film. It also provided a distraction from the girl in the back row who kept talking on her mobile phone.

I also feel I'd have enjoyed the whole thing more if I'd realised that the main character was supposed to be black. I thought she just had a bit of a tan...


I did wonder why there was a supposedly awkward moment early on in the film when the bloke's mother asked what colour the baby would be. I thought maybe she had dementia. I only twigged about an hour later that the girl was African American. I probably missed all sorts of racial tension that I had no idea was there. They need to make these things more obvious. Possibly by adding 'Ebony & Ivory' to the soundtrack.

But anyhoo, having lost £12.40 and ninety-eight minutes of our lives, we spent the rest of the afternoon shopping for Amelie's birthday presents. We eventually called it a day when we'd picked up so much stuff in Toys R Us that we could no longer walk to the exit. Come October 2nd, she'll officially own more stuff than I do. And we may have to get rid of the sofa to make room for it.