I bought a box of these yesterday. I didn't intend to, but they had them by the checkouts in the 99p Store, and I was queuing for ten minutes with an Iggle Piggle Easter Egg while a succession of people asked "How much is this?", so I had plenty of time to examine them.
I've never thought of my nose as being particularly clogged, but by the time I reached the till, I'd become fixated by the woman on the front who seems to be having a whale of a time trying to attach a Hitler moustache. I spent a good five minutes wondering how she broke the news to her family that her first professional modelling job was to strip to her underwear, stick a plaster on her face, and point at her nose whilst smiling and looking at the camera.
I was also intrigued by the claim that the strips produce "Deep Magnetic Cleansing". Surely that would only work if you had a lump of metal in your nose? Unless that's what she's pointing at. Maybe she's got a stubborn piercing she's trying to remove.
Anyhoo, that wasn't actually the reason I was in London Road yesterday. I was actually on my way to Maplins to buy the gubbins I need to connect my computer to the TV. Lisa wants to be able to browse Facebook from the sofa, and watch quality ITV2 shows on the internet without having to sit at a desk. So Amelie and I headed out on a mercy mission yesterday morning to buy the cable we need.
Having walked the mile and a half to London Road, we were naturally distracted, not only by deeply absorbent nose strips, but by the fact that the 99p Store is selling the exact same Makka Pakka Easter Egg that I'd already bought for £3 from Asda. (But don't ask how much they're selling it for, or I might have to shoot you). Frankly it's an outrage. Asda are meant to be saving me money every day, not charging me three times too much for a bit of CBeebies tat.
But having consoled ourselves by investing in a bit of Iggle Piggle and Upsy Daisy (I realise this will mean nothing to anyone who isn't best friends with a two-year-old), we moved on to Maplins where we spent twenty quid on a computer lead. If only they sold those in the 99p Store.
A quick mile and a half jaunt home, and we were soon relaxing in front of the TV with a mouse and keyboard. And wishing we'd bought the right cable. A blank TV screen is all very well, but it's not really worth spending £20 on. Fortunately, Amelie and I lead the kind of lives which mean we rarely have anything better to do than embark on another three-mile walk to London Road and back. In the pouring rain. With Amelie's feet sticking out of the buggy.
By the time we got there, we were so wet, the staff at Maplins took pity on us and agreed to let us swap the cable for the one we actually needed. And they gave us a pound change. Which paid for the Hitler nose plasters. By the time we were halfway home, the rain had stopped, so I let Amelie walk the rest of the way. Admittedly her socks squelched with every step, but she seemed to enjoy it. She must have paddled about half a mile.
Anyhoo, the good news is that my £18.99 investment in cutting-edge computer technology has paid off. I went to Asda last night (I'd already been on Friday, but I was too busy chatting to Stefan & Andrew at the pizza counter to actually buy anything we needed), and I left Lisa on the sofa with a wireless mouse, a cordless keyboard, and a whole world of high quality television to access. By the time I got back, she'd watched 'What Katie Did Next' and 'Snog Marry Avoid?'. That was money well spent.