Well, the good news from around here is that I'm now officially living in a crime-ridden ghetto. No, really. Having informed Elephant Insurance that I've moved 500m down the trunk road to a new jumbo-sized flat, they've finally got back to me to say that they've looked up my new address on a map of Brighton's no-go areas, and decided to charge me an extra £100 for my car insurance.

You'd think that all the car-jackers who live around here would be just as capable of walking 500m down the hill to commit grand theft auto at my old address, but apparently not. Despite being so close to my old parking space that I can virtually see it from my new bedroom window, the Elephant in the room feels that my chances of waking up to find the burnt out shell of my Skoda smouldering at the roadside are significantly higher now. So it'll cost me an extra hundred quid a year to live here. It's essentially danger money.

To be honest though, they're probably right about the risks. I've lived here for less than a month and I'm already thinking like a criminal. I was walking down the street the other day, when I saw a little dog like this...

Well, it wasn't much like that. It was actually a Golden Retriever. But it did have an identical red coat. I thought at first it worked at Butlins, but upon closer inspection I discovered it was a Hearing Dog for Deaf People.

What piqued my criminal-minded interest, however, was that the dog was sitting at its owner's feet while he withdrew a load of money from a cashpoint. I'm all for publicising a worthy cause, but the pooch might as well have been wearing a sign saying "My owner can't hear you creeping up on him". If it wasn't for the fact that I can no longer afford to run a getaway car, I'd have robbed the man myself. Either they need to do away with the red coats, or they need to start training rottweilers.