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Monday, December 06, 2010

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "Phil, there are less than three weeks until Christmas. What do you buy the discerning, sophisticated, middle-aged sister-in-law who has everything?". Well, I'll tell you: get her an electric carving knife for £12.99. You can't go wrong.

So with that very much in mind, I started my Christmas shopping at the end of November. It seemed like a good way to procrastinate from writing my novel. To be honest, I didn't venture very far. I basically just surfed down the Amazon for half an hour. It's not as dangerous as it sounds. Within minutes, I'd laid my virtual hands on a cheap electric carving knife, and snapped it up for my sister-in-law.

I realise that by mentioning that on my blog, I'm running the risk of ruining a festive surprise, but fortunately I have two sisters-in-law, and I'm not saying which one I plan to knife this Christmas. If anything I'm adding to their yuletide excitement. They can both now spend the next fortnight thinking "Good grief, I hope it's not me", whilst praying that it's the other one I just described as middle-aged.

Anyhoo, despite placing my order in late November, I still haven't got my hands on that chopper, so I went back down the Amazon today and looked up the parcel tracking information. It said this:

I can't help thinking that a dormant underground volcano might have just erupted in Grand Avenue, and that as we speak, thousands are fleeing the river of lava currently flowing along the seafront, as an ash cloud engulfs the city centre. Although snow's probably more likely. Either way, we're out tomorrow night, so I hope it doesn't last.


Dave said...

Amazon managed to deliver the last of my Christmas gifts last week, when the snow and ice were at their height/depth.  It must be the volcano.