Amelie's been invited to a Princess Party on the 19th of March, which is the kind of blatant anti-male sexism that's bringing this country to its knees. I blame Loose Women. And L'Oréal. But shameful discrimination aside, we're obviously far too cheap to buy her an appropriate outfit, and besides, she only has to put on a £3 skirt from Asda and she starts saying "Me like a princess!", so rather than waste money on something Kate Middleton would be proud of, we asked Lisa's sister to sew a bit of netting on Amelie's Christmas dress.

She had her first fitting yesterday afternoon, and at 9pm last night, we received this exclusive footage direct from the royal seamstress...


That's Gok Wan in the background. They're proving that fashion's all about showy hugs, air kisses, and describing red as strawberry.

Interestingly, in addition to getting updates from the catwalk, we also received the news that Lisa's nephew had seen a family photo at home, and thought it was a picture of Amelie. Here's the portrait in question...

Frankly that could be Rose West and we'd be none the wiser. I think Lisa's sister needs to invest in a scanner. But I can see what he means. The flyaway hair, the red dress, the way she's picking her nose in public - that could easily be Amelie. But it's actually Lisa at her own christening.

If I'd seen her looking so cute in that outfit, I might have fallen in love with her there and then. But sadly I wasn't born at the time.

Thirty-seven years later, however, I'm more than happy to take her away on honeymoon. We'll be gone until Wednesday. But no doubt I'll be blogging from the bedroom.