It's a generally accepted fact that apart from my osteoarthritis, chronic prostatitis, premature hair-loss and borderline obesity, I'm the perfect picture of health. But as it happens, that's not entirely true. For a while now, there's been something fishy going on with my feet. And I don't mean this.
For about six months, I've been getting regular pain in my right heel. I think it started last August when Lisa made me move halfway up a mountain with no cable car ride, but it was only ever present first thing in the morning when I sleep-walked to the bathroom in a semi-woken state. Over the past couple of months however, it's got steadily and progressively worse, with the result that most mornings I can barely make it out of bed without a walking frame. Any period of activity followed by a short rest results in my foot seizing up and becoming so painful I can barely walk. It's reached the point where I'm struggling to get to charity shops in my lunch break. Which is what finally drove me to seek help.
I did mention the problem on October 12th last year, but sadly, having dipped my toe into the world of orthotics, it proved to be a false dawn. So having suffered in relative silence (I've only moaned to Lisa), I finally put my best foot forward and went to see my GP this morning. I said Doctor, Doctor, I can't put any weight on my right foot. She told me to hop it. Well ok, she didn't. She actually told me I have plantar fasciitis. Which I think is the Latin name for a Triffid.
She's referred me to a foot specialist (my fourth consultant in eighteen months - it must be a staff perk), but in the meantime I've been given a list of exercises and told to take anti-inflammatories. I bought some ibuprofen at lunchtime, on the advice of one of my colleagues. I'm not sure if she's a concerned onlooker or a concerted drug-pusher, but she's been through the same thing herself, and they soon got her back on her feet.
My doctor also told me to rest my foot as much as possible, and then asked me what I do for a living. I told her I'm on my feet all day, seeing the patients she refers for screening. I think she took that as a limp excuse.