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Friday, February 17, 2012

If there's one thing I've always said, it's that birds can't wait to see me naked. Especially the ones with big breasts.

I'd just stepped out of the shower this morning, and was standing starkers in front of the living room mirror, admiring my muscles in that way you do when your pregnant wife's still asleep, and your daughter's busy singing about potatoes in the bedroom, when I heard a tap-tap-tap at the balcony window.

I turned around to find a pigeon staring at my privates...

Papped by a pigeon.
It even had its head cocked to one side in a thoughtful manner, as if it didn't know what to make of it all. I've never felt so intimidated. It was like being eyed up and down by Katie Price. I had to grab a towel immediately. And not just to clean those windows. That might look like a mere bird at first glance, but I've heard of the pigeon paparazzi. One wrong move and I could have been all over the tabloids.


Phil's Mum said...

You really should have looked under its wing.  It could have been bringing you a very important message.  Just as well it wasn't a stork.

Jon Cheshire said...

Paparazzi......... Is that Pidgeon English?