Despite what David Cameron might think, I'm pleased to report that multiculturalism in 21st century Britain is working a treat. After an hour of watching CBeebies this morning, Amelie informed Lisa that she should throw away her jeans and start wearing a sari. And to be honest, I agree with her. They're the perfect maternity-wear. It's like wrapping yourself in a curtain.
Coincidentally, Lisa and I were discussing the thorny subject of immigration and cultural diversity the other night. It led to us both completing the British Citizenship Test on the Channel 4 website, which is based on the test that prospective immigrants have to pass before being allowed to settle in the UK. You have to score at least 18 out of 24 to get a British passport.
So Lisa went first, and scored 12. Which should lead to immediate deportation if you ask me. Her father's Irish, so I told her to go back to where she came from, and stop taking our English jobs. Before realising that she doesn't have a job. At which point I told her to stop sponging off our welfare state, and get on the next boat to Dublin.
But before she went, I took the test myself. And scored 11. I don't know who wrote the questions, but I'm not sure English is their first language. And if question 9 isn't some kind of mistake, then frankly I'm a Dutchman.
But the good news is that our lack of local knowledge won't matter much in the long run, as we're destined to be leaving these shores for a new life in the sun. The way Amelie's progressing at nursery, she'll soon be earning enough money to buy us a retirement home in St Tropez. She came out of nursery today with this...
Judging by the note paper, she's moved on from the pre-school room and taken a part-time job as a consultant. And with all that red, it's not looking good for that patient.